bleh men

Apr. 25th, 2012 08:29 am
danorsong: (Default)
So, one of the things I really liked about Veggies was that he and I were very uncomplicated. It was friendship, and it was sex. At this point in my life I'm not so trusting that I want to go careening off into a RELATIONSHIP just now. Maybe not ever... who knows.

Well, he and I have pretty much also stopped seeing each other this last month or so. I've been busy he's had a new Girlfriend person.

ok I'm back, there are days when sandy makes no sense
I'm sorry
she says she thinks of things all day everyday, etc...I dunno
I'm just irritated with her antics right now, and she keeps reiterating that I have no direction in life... (he doesn't by the way but that is neither here nor there....)
I'm like, so I live within my means...have a job I love, and have come to a period in my life where depression is not the controlling factor in my descisions
and that's a really big thing right there.
yet...I'm the one with no direction
because I don't make a lot of money or have an impressive job

it always comes down to materialism it seems
that really sucks cause you are good to be around.
she recognizes that, but since I live a rather stark or monastic existence....I'm not doing well for myself
and that means I'm not a worthy person

Hon, that kinda sucks.
I've come to expect it in most people that live in the sleeping world of the "American Dream"
it took me a long time to make my parents realize it

how frustrating.
they still want that stuff, but not I
do you get what I'm talking about?

I'm not going to lie, I like stuff but my life pass isn't for everyone else.
and yeah I do. I mean one of the reasons I went to china, was to see what a Not Stuff life was like and it was fine.

yes....exactly...I like nice things....things I use that are my computer
I could live with out the stuff again and lately I've not been buying new stuff it's what I got when I was with Verizon.
but you know I don't have much other stuff
Right but you function.
more than function...I'm happy
hey some are happy and don't function
my depression is mostly nill

and given my line of work function is important :P I'm so damn mundane...
how was the "shitty" apartment? Did it "piss" you off?
1) does it hurt that she spins wheels on it 2) can you talk to her about it if it did?
I tried talking to her about it...she's one of those that is so far out of touch with their emotions that when you ask them how they got to a conclusion because you want to understand they say you're judging them

yeah, she's great to talk to but, she's very confused, and as a result I am letting that affect me negatively
Can you just avoid it?
I don't do avoidance very well
nor I...

So... I'm bold he is italics... and the thing is I miss hanging out with him, and I miss the sex. I *really* miss the sex it was fantastic. Having said that even if they broke it off I don't think we'd be seeing each other that way again. I'm still kinda of pissed that he suggested we have phone sex (not touching = not cheating) and he gets in these moods...

I guess what makes me sad is this idea that people are going to change because you are dating them. the apartment is small yes, but he does well with it. He's happy there and sure it's a sofa bed but fuck it at least he pays his rent. Yes there were roaches but he got rid of them too. Yes he is working part time and collecting disability, but he can budget plan and get things taken care of.

My biggest limiting factor is that he smokes because it directly effects me. The rest of it.... no. One of the reasons I didn't push to be his girlfriend or try and force emotions that weren't there was because of his stark existence. I'm damn middle class. I like having things I want a retirement plan I want some security even though in truth it's only an abstract.... I want to have some semblance of it. I think that's a big reason why things sucks so bad lately there is not security in local friends, and now the damn bank theft. Course, it's back this morning (YAY I CAN PAY BILLS) but to be frank... he chose, he went with the complicated girl, and now things are complicated and he is whining to me. It's not fair. I'm interesting, but not complicated, I've got a desire for companionship but I've got my shit together. I don't know if I will ever go head over heels for a guy again, can't say never but I do have fondness for people.... and it seems that I am unlovable by the opposite sex.
danorsong: (you hurt me)
he got awesome and said I should start paying rent over at the parents house, and didn't I have any other friends then John whom I haven't seen for more then a minute to get my books back for over a month now.

How to say... Yes I have friends they are long distance and right now the ones in Lancaster I feel unable to trust so I have been cut from my support group completely and totally, aside from my parents and you have just ruined that.
danorsong: (angel devil)
Monday Veggies drops me, Thursday... he's dropped the other girl.... evidently they can only be friends there isn't the spark of attraction.....

I think I am going to beware of all of march. Having said that tonights sex was the best yet with him....


Feb. 16th, 2012 10:42 pm
danorsong: (am I evil?)
It's supposed to be dirty rotten low down no good (yet entirely awesome) sex.

we cuddle afterwards and watch Tv... it's very nice. Tonight it was sweeter kisses, down right gentle kisses, and more envolved cuddling...

it makes me feel weird.

I don't love him but I have burgeoning affection. It's kinda annoying.

There is still a laundry lists of why he should never ever be my boyfriend or anything more then what he is now...

still cuddling and having him be so... affectionate was a bigger turn on then anything else we have done, and he seems to honestly care about stuff that male people having cared about in a short forever.
danorsong: (cat ate my book)
My friend A came up for the weekend, which has been lovely. My favorite part though was my cats reaction. My guest bed... it's not set up and so I just said, crawl into bed with me plenty of pillows blanket etc.

When we went to bed.. Habibah slept on A despite my calling her and whistling for her.. nothing. Fine what ever I can cope I'm a big girl. ...

So, we wake up this AM, it's 730 and I feed the cats. A is still asleep... Adora curls up on the couch next to me, and I'm happily listening to Harry Potter, and I don't uh totally notice where Habibah is. So... at 10 when A wakes up she comes down laughing.

Evidently Habibah had curled up on A thinking that she was me. So when A woke up and sat up promptly, she was *very* offended and did a double take and then started at A like she was demon spawn.... the demon "Not the momma!"

Thank god my cat can't wield a frying pan...

Habibah hasn't really forgiven anyone today. She has been stompy and staring in that betrayed way.

Lord, I love my cats... both of them. Adora of course has been a cuddle butt any time soemone sits still long enough to be cuddled up to.
danorsong: (cat ate my book)
and other deep thoughts....

Personally I think the book sounds awesome. Obviously I need to take a trip to Glasgow so I can grab a copy and become familiar with the scenery.
danorsong: (Default)
It's that time of year again...

My Valentinr - danorsong
Get your own valentinr
danorsong: (dispossesed)
I'm really mad about the Hitler stuff. Obama is not Hitler. There is a huge huge difference. I can't put into words how much I hate it. I find it more offensive then saying he is the devil. Perhaps it is my fault being too emotional and wanting to have a conversation based on fact.

A conversation could go something like this:

Not Me: "You know I really don't like Obama. After all this whole heath care thing its unsettling.

Me: "Oh really? Why is that?"

Not Me: "Well I'm working really hard for my money and my work covers me and my family. While 1/3 of my paycheck is taken out automatically to cover those benefits I simply can't afford to pay more taxes for a federally subsidized program to be run. After all my co-pay was raised from $10 to $20 pervisit $40 for a specalist (ie double) and I now have a thousand dollar deductible when I used to not have one at all."

Me: "Really, god that sounds aweful, um don't you wish you had the option for something different maybe? Something that might work?"

Not Me: "Yes, but I don't trust the government to run it well. I mean compare the post office to UPS or FedEx! USPS is going bankrupt because these companies offer great prices and speedy delivery with very good insurance!"

Me: "You know, that is a really valid point all we know is that the current plans, they aren't working. Who knows what prices UPS and FedEx would have if there wasn't a constant low priced option like USPS? I definitely see your point though."

Not Me:"And I can see yours. So lets agree to disagree and go get a milkshake maybe go bowling."

Instead I have had something more like

Not Me: OMG I hate this health care plan it's wigging me out!"

Me: "um ok? Why?"

Not Me: "Because Obama is like Hitler! Hitler tested on Jews ya know! And Obama is goign to kill old people! AND the people that are too poor!"

This is where I got bathshit crazy and want to punch Not Me in the face. You see Hitler has a few things that I associate with him. One was the medical testing on the jews. Of course he blamed them for the economic downfall of Germany first, made most of the country distrust them. He started programs for the youth so that they grew up only seeing that one direction. No Obama's message to the school children was not brain washing. Here is the text if you haven't gotten a chance to read it, see it, or you have just been avoiding it )

Hitler also did things like.... lock them up in concentration camps. Oh and I don't know.. Gas Them. Killed them. Encouraged people to treat them,us,all worse then dirt. Taught the pure blood Germans that Jews,them,us,all were the reason for the massive poverty and lack of education among the working classes. After all 3/4 of the Jewish population were in the upper middle class or flat out rich. These wealthy people were marrying into pure blood families, even then love didn't always recognize race. (half of the Jews who married married non Jewish people! Oy gevalt!) He taught the lower classes greed. If they took the power, the wealth from the Jews it would be theirs and Germany would flourish.

I'm fairly sure that Obama hasn't said that he wants to kill the CEO's of heath care industries. Maybe he did and I missed it I am human after all. I'm pretty sure that he isn't asking us to rape their wives and daughters, to plunder their house stealing family heirlooms, or even to go into communities of those richer then us and break their windows, or light the buildings on fire. As of yet, not one CEO has gone into hiding, though a few are making plans for Dubai (yeah Haliburton is on that band wagon hell they built it). I may also have missed the black trucks coming in the night and taking these rich elite and shuffling them off to be killed. Likewise I haven't seen a rise in elder death. Maybe I ma being overly simple here, or just naive. Perhaps I am simply claiming too much heritage from my mothers line having only attended a hand full of Seder, and most of them for Passover. Maybe I'm just drunk on the Obama cool-aid, all that is left to me since realistically Kuchinich will never be elected.

All of those maybe's become non important to me though, when I see the Obama with the mustache picture or hear people call him Hitler. At that point I want to cause that person pain. I want to make them suffer. I want to have them think about the idea of their whole people being wiped from the earth simple because they prospered. How can they fathom genocide. It lasts for an instant and then I can see again with out the red haze, a blink is all it takes.

I can step back from the conversation and realize that this person and I will never find common ground on this issue and I give up. If there is a chance that we can have a reasonable discussion about it later, fine. I can leave that on the table. I can not however argue a point or learn from someone who can believe whole heartedly in the dogma that links Obama to Hitler. Someday I'll be a stronger person, I know this. Right now though the only strength I have is to remain calm listen to any points that they have that are based on facts, and hope that we can find some kind of path through the next few years.
danorsong: (Default)

I really want one but it in bronze and copper..
danorsong: (curiouse)
[Poll #1101318]

isn't she ... tall..

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